Day 3 – Journey to Life – I’ve been a Beauty Junkie

I have focused on beauty my whole life.  I actually believed at one time that this was one of my missions in life to mirror the beauty I saw in the world, in people, to find the beauty and only focus on the beauty to elevate everyone in my presence, because, of course, everyone likes to feel beautiful.

I raised my daughter by telling her every day, how beautiful she was, which backfired because she as her mind needed to be reassured constantly on how beautiful she looked and was.

I actually agonized in my last relationship because he envariably would not tell me I was beautiful, and that became a huge issue that I was not beautiful in his eyes, I was not his ideal of what beauty was.

I could see in someone’s eyes whether I was their idea of beauty or not.

I am no longer in this relationship and haven’t been for over ten years, and I do not tell my daughter everyday how beautiful she is feeding the mind construct that I helped establish.

But I do still notice beauty all around me and use the word beautiful, beauty, lovely still, when I look at trees, flowers, animals in nature,  a beautiful person, albeit a man, woman or child.

I still notice how lovely my surroundings are and how I am still responding within and as me to this energetic experience of “how beautiful it is”, “everywhere I look I see beauty”

I was raised to accentuate my beauty, and I like my daughter craved that constant feedback on how beautiful I was.

When I was younger it was how beautiful and sexy I was and as I became more ‘spiritual’ – how beautiful I was on the inside and out – how I radiated with beauty because I was beautiful on the inside making my outside more beautiful.

And as I wrote in my last blog, I did readings and counseled many, many people over quite and number of years, always telling them how beautiful they were and especially young people who, I felt, needed to be reminded how beautiful and special they were.

Wow, what a crock!

I see now how I fed off this energetic exchange of focusing on the beauty of people, making them feel good about themselves and in turn making me feel good about myself.

So here goes,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a beauty junkie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a bubble of an energetic mindconstruct where I only looked at the beauty of life, telling myself that was part of my mission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that telling people how beautiful they are was something they needed to hear because you could never say it often enough, reminding them to see their own beauty and the beauty around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that beauty was of a higher vibration and needed to be cultivated to create a beautiful world, wherein all that was ugly would somehow miraculously fall away if I/we just focused on beauty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in mind backchat and make a judgment when out and about during the day wherein I will notice something and tell myself “oh how beautiful” rather than “oh there’s a rose bush” “oh there’s an oak tree”, “oh there’s a baby”, instead always qualifying this observance with “how beautiful’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist within myself with backchat ‘what’s wrong with noticing how beautiful those flowers, etc, are’ wherein what I am doing is still participating within the mind and having an energetic experience, in separation, while making and stating this observation, instead of realizing that I am the flower, I am the tree, I am the baby, there is no separation, there is only oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify beauty as something that is real, instead of realizing that it is a quality of the mind and has no practical value, and only distracts me from what is right Here.

So therefore, I commit to stand up and breathe when my mind wants to engage in backchat about qualifying something as beautiful and go into an emotional experience in separation of who I really am.

I commit myself to Stand Up instead of accepting and allowing the experience of beauty to exist within and as me.

I commit myself accept and value myself as who I am as Life as one as equal and not in separation of what is outside of me by participating within an experience of the mind.

So I will place myself Here and Breathe, taking responsibility for who I am and what I have created, applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications One Step at a Time.

 

Journey to Life – Having a Special Purpose/Mission – Day 2

When I was a Lightworker, I did readings using numerology (which I was most adept at) astrology, tarot cards and sacred path cards. I was also able to read people’s energy (like you would read the paper).

I was in my late 30’s and thru my early 50’s where all this came into fruition, as I had been searching for my purpose, the reason I was placed on earth, what my passion was, what I was inherently good at.

I studied for years, and applied what I had learned, which was a basis for doing readings.  However, I started to see that when I did a reading on someone I just knew.  I did not know how I knew, but I thought that I had finally discovered who I was, the part of God that I manifested individually within the World.  That this was my special purpose/mission to help people see the truth about themselves and discover their special purpose/mission.

Of course, after discovering Desteni and reading the material on Psychics I learned that we were just programmed that way, ie, the just knowing (lol).  Its funny to me now, but I was initially shocked because I not only deceived myself but literally hundreds of people that I did readings for, trying to direct them to their truth.

And I also raised my children this way, from an early age telling them that they were here for a special reason and they had a special mission to spread love and light and to help raise themselves and humanity.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had found my mission in life and could direct others to also find theirs.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that something as intangible as a euphoric feeling of love could transform individuals into the truth of who they really were and that Love was the most powerful tool of transformation for people and for addressing the atrocities of this world, ie, if people just Loved, raised themselves up, they would put down their weapons/thoughts/actions of destruction and we would live in a world of Peace.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live my life according to the belief that I had raised myself up and become a better person by Loving more, by putting Love first.

And then before I even came upon Desteni, I started to question myself -“how do you know what you are saying is the truth” “do you know the God of Love that you revere” “Where is He/She” “Why after all these years of searching for the truth, and God you still do not know God, but only the idea of God”

And then I came across Desteni and all these questions were shockingly answered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and remorse and guilt in misleading so many people including myself and my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children in a Lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a Lie, thinking that the “mainstream” of Life was the Lie and that I was coming from truth and love.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss engaging with people in this so-called vibration of Love.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as shattered because everything that I identified with who and what I was was a lie , so how could I engage in conversations with people when I could no longer speak of life in terms of love and energy and purpose.

I am no longer in mourning for what I was, who I thought I was, as I now have had 3 years to walk my process. And even though I have fallen many times and being in process is nothing like anything I have ever done, there is nothing I would rather being doing than participating with a group of people who are intent on realizing equality on Earth.

I commit myself to stand with Desteni (desteni.co.za) , applying self-forgiveness and apply self corrective application on points/patterns that I have lived within and as the mind.

Those at Desteni are implementing an equal money system that will put an end to poverty, check out equalmoney.org.  And join us!

7 Year Journey to Life

As a former Lightworker, and now a member of Desteni for nearly three years, I have this opportunity to write a blog a everyday and stand up and apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective actions on patterns that I have accepted and allowed to live as within my mind.

I have this opportunity, as does everyone else, to walk myself step by step, breath by breath, day by day as Life as who I really am as one and equal with all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was helping mankind and the planet by believing and existing in and as love and light.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in coming from love and light I was changing myself and the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in coming from love and light I was in the truth of who I thought I was, whereas I was actually living a lie because there is no practical value in love and light as they are programs of the mind and do not in fact change the current reality of the earth, and in fact, does the complete opposite and adds to the pain and suffering that is existing in massive proportions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow love and light to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that love and light were real and tangible, creating a change on the planet by raising its vibration, ascending out of the darkness and into the light as long as I kept my thoughts, feelings, emotions focused on Love, light would prevail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that God existed as a God of Love and Light and we as mankind had fallen and it was up to us through Love and light to rise up so we could again be with God.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in a God that did not see the pain and suffering on Earth because he/she only saw/was in Light, therefore the darkness did not really exist but was an illusion that would fall away as we ascended into our lightbodies.

I commit myself to Stand Up Here in the Physical, because that is what is real.

I commit myself to Stand Up and Walk, step by step, breath by breath, birthing myself in the physical through common sense in self-honesty and not in separation from myself in the mind believing in a God of love and light that will save me/us.

I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements and actions, to push myself to look at and walk the points/patterns that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me/us in this current reality.

I commit myself to blog every day for 7 years , to release every and all accumulation that now is my/our current reality.

I commit myself to stability and not any kind of uplifting experience as that is a clear indicator that I am in my/the mind.

I commit to face all points/patterns that I/we have created through my/our acceptances and allowances no matter how hard it is to look at.

I commit myself to Stand Up As One As Equal As All.